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on this day…

Do not judge the bereaved mother. She comes in many forms. 
She is breathing, but she is dying. 
She may look young, but inside she has become ancient. 
She smiles, but her heart sobs. 
She walks, she talks, she cooks, she cleans, she works, she IS, but she IS NOT, all at once. 
She is here, but part of her is elsewhere for eternity.

I know all the emotions that come with the loss of a child. My first child, my baby girl, died when she was just an infant. She would have been 12 years old on January 9th. January 9th is also the day I started this blog one year ago. I was up in the middle of the night unable to sleep as I remembered her and the short time I was able to hold her in my arms. I decided right then and there, at 2 a.m., that starting my blog on her birthday would be a great way to honor her life with the start of something new. Four hours later this blog was live. 
My heart goes out to all the mothers in Newtown who are not able to watch their children grow up. Feelings of loss and grief never go away. They just become part of your life and you adjust. The littlest sight or sound or memory can bring me back to those days when my world seemed to be over. My husband was my rock and we made it through together. Today I have three beautiful children and an angel in heaven. 

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